Thoughts Have Hands

At times my center is pain: a tiny pebble dropped carelessly in a pool

made from on going rain,

Sinking to the grey bottom, concentric circles of the dead and gone float above my head, none wave hello or goodbye.

Suddenly desperate for air, I sit up in the pool made of tears, flaying in anger and fear, I wrap shaking limbs around the hardness of alone, then wonder if Job wants a new friend,

Living alone stokes memories of happy times once shared and of plans that now will never be,

Deserted by lovers and friends I mourn their loss

And grief comes home with me.

THH

6/5/24

I remember times our passion flowed stronger than wine

After the dance standing close in the kitchen I felt this slow blooming need to pull you close

The moment we touched it was ignition

Clothes dropped to the floor,

Kisses with complete submission

Time stopped but not us

We struggled like children full of glee to make to it to the bed and protect our knees

We couldn’t get enough and you completed my surging intention

You gave away everything like Halloween candy

You met me without condition, save a gentle reminder our contract was for ten with options to renew, and we made thirty four

Your disease forced me to care for you like a child as you became docile; I supported your needs without giving into passion

And when after years of loss and much confusion you drifted away I only regret the time we lost to explore each other more

Relief from the meanness of your ugly condition came but I will never forget our joyful passion.

THH

6/5/24

Fired by loss, sadness sears my heart, and makes itself at home in moments of solitude.

Sadness comes like rain, a drizzle at first, then a downpour rushing my brain, blocking avenues of escape, demanding full attention.

Sadness comes unannounced, whispers behind me, as I sigh ‘…oh, you again’.

Sadness darkens my face and sends tears to rule, upsets the routines in place.

Is it the thing wished for, left undone,

Is it the dreams left to simmer in the back of my mind, finally boiling over,

Are my habits and practice exercised with decent intent, wearing thin,

Dreams left too long on the shelf, planned celebrations too long deferred, haunting expectations.

A life chosen to support family, a duty taken seriously, while fate took a heavy toll,

Obligations given priority, believing the future would make needed room,

Not play a thief and steal vigor as I grow grey.

I learn so slowly.

The onion peels layers of time, and tears of regret form droplets,

Even listening to favorite tunes buried under heaps of on going reverie resurrect sadness hidden inside.

Does it hide behind my unending list of things to do? or like rain,

Hang out in unhappy clouds biding time until spilling over to chill a sunny day.

Sadness resides off stage, behind hope filled eyes,

Smiles of a welcoming heart,

Earnest performances intended to promote harmony,

Covering memories of so many supposed to be opportunities,

Wanting to be picked, no longer deniable,

But then the past has claws to hold me in place and each day seems another scene, like the one before and before that,

The routine provides a comfortable home but sadness crouches waiting for its chance,

As disappointment displays wonder in the opposite direction.

For sadness is part of the imperfectible nature of this man.

THH

6/1/24

Life is but a profane paper dragon
painted with colors of love and fear

Not sacred
Until named a personal human blessing
When passion for service touches hearts and makes a divine connection by giving and forgiving.

Life is a pallet of blind possibilities
Stacked in warehouses of the mind.
A business district needing
more than human intervention.

Life is the business of survival,
Until personal relations become a priority.

The human mind can cancel feelings
and keep on breathing

But the joy of personal connection creates sacred living if humans will overcome fear and touch hearts with trust and compassion.

Cosmic truths remain indifferent,
mere mathematical abstractions,
until we make history less about power, and more about community.

Only when trust births loving connection will transcendence make harsh reality truly human.

THH
5/26/24

This one Sunday, our Christian calendar devotes to doctrine imposed to explain divinity.

One God in three,
A riddle for humanity confuses weary minds with indecipherable mystery.
A compromise born of authority.
A mystery born of tradition called history.

A diversity devoted to being one
A oneness blessing strength in diversity
Divine hope for abundant living in community.

A god comfortable being family
A god who loves infinite diversity

As humans crave comfort most,
A love held so close it makes us feel one.

A togetherness intended for unity.
A relationship turning on divine charity.

As humans struggle to practice lessons of her holy community.

The life we live confuses love with personal loyalties.
Love knows no boundaries.

Love refuses to bow before heroes winning wars, or exerting power enslave.

Love is harder still.

For then we must serve others to create human community,
And work to abstain from numerous idolatries.

For the love we seek redeems equally all diversity.

Our god – a mystery in three persons,
Where one and one make three,
And we learn the unfading lights dance,

An equality in one loving all humanity

And realize the nature of divinity is care for neighbors as one holy human family.

THH
5/26/24

The one Sunday the Christian calendar devotes to doctrine

A doctrine imposed on weary minds to explain divinity

The one God who is three

A riddle for humanity

A compromise born of authority

A mystery beyond logic

Part of our tradition called history.

A diversity devoted to being one

A oneness blessing diversity

A hope needed for community.

A god comfortable living as family

A god who calls us to love all diversity

The human mind wants comfort most.

A love held so close, it makes us feel one.

A togetherness each person knows as holy unity. A relationship turning eternally on divine charity.

The life we live confuses love and loyalty

The love we need transforms community

The love we find redeems personally

Our god – a mystery of three

Equals one loved humanity

As we find divine love similarly, caring for neighbors as if we were one.

THH

5/26/24

Life has no real personality.

It floats on far east winds

Wiggles back and forth

Up and down comically.

A multi colored dragon dream, with

Big snake eyes

That pierce right through you,

Blind to every want and desire,

Either you are in the way or holding on.

Frightened at first

All rolling thunder, flashing lights

dancing tunes of it’s own delight.

The dragon laughs at human concerns,

Uninterested in personal horizons,

Beckons no direction, no right time or place,

Chases no purpose,

Offers no grace.

The dragon slays years thoughtlessly,

As we beg favors

Ask for calm

try to deliver on promises.

From beginning of life to its end,

the dragon plays by impersonal rules,

And leaves to us,

The cause of human caring.

We live with ferocious dragon visions,

Currents of furtive imaginings,

None completely true,

but scary – full of nightmare thinking.

Better to brace for the Dragon turns,

Attend your interests and condition

Through the dragon’s wind,

Make friends with all givens,

Enjoy human hospitality,

Invent a loving community.

For when the dragon succumbs

Every once of energy spent,

Only the personal designs of the human heart

And their accomplishment

Will be all we can show for the thrill of the ride

As we follow behind into oblivion.

THH

5/25/24

How many times will I sit quietly on my back porch?

How often do I get to feel the soft breeze stroke my skin?

How long do I have to hear the birds sing their peculiar songs?

How long to watch my dog breath up and down on the floor beside me?

How much beauty can I drink in?

How much feeling can I absorb?

I know not,

Or how long,

Or how much.

But with every breath and in every moment, I know it will never be enough.

I know this moment and every one given

Sacrifices itself on the altar of my consciousness,

Digs deep into eternity and I’ll always beg for more.

THH

4/27/24

The rushing of the rain straight, hard and clean sounds like a mountain stream.

Under cover I listen to it fall,

pounding the metal roof, rolling like a kettle drum

It makes me want to jump up and dance

Sends shivers up and down my spine

The rain releases all pent up tension,

As my old dog lays suspicious by my side.

The noise too loud, or he may smell a threat but it’s just spring weather slaking earth’s thirst with a long tall drink

So calmly I contemplate the falling rain

Not for insight or revelation but the sacred feeling of being held fast in Nature’s all encompassing grasp.

In the time it falls the world stops:

Demands of imagined duty,

Worries of what’s not been done,

Even anger and jealousy subside.

And the water washes over wounds

And cools me down outside and in.

THH

5/4/24

I’ve been waiting and now watching

these strange bugs fly carefree

and blind

In amusement of the places they find to get to …

Stuck on my blinds,

sneaking past them too.

Pretty funny we humans get so preoccupied with them flying around,

or upset if red eyes stare back

from the barbecue,

or bang your unsuspecting head

on a morning walk,

Really nothing much to dread.

The thing I find enlightening about their return is the persistent sound of singing wings up in the trees.

It’s a familiar sound,

I’ve known many years,

exactly like the ever present tinnitus

in my old ears.

So now you know this ringing sound

and can relax,

for cicada time is soon over

And once back underground

and out of sight,

There will be silence for all ears

except mine

for a number of years.

THH

5/11/24