This morning
Watching my breathe
Basking in sweet quietness,
Stretching out liked a contented old dog,
Freedom dawned in me.
True, I’ve always been free.
I know the common understanding,
But put in perspective
I’m seriously lucky to be me.
Many people have fewer options;
Their freedom of choice limited by
class, race, and abject poverty. I’m privileged enough to do about what I want — free as one can be.
Only obligations founded in my heart limit my options:
Family first and their security,
Friends that remain,
Community and neighbors to help where I can,
Commitments made with connections to which I maintain loyalty; but at my age most have moved on; wife and two children taken by rude fate, beyond comprehension, are gone.
Death and broken connections left an old bachelor behind with time on hand,
Healthy and able to reimagine yesterday’s dreams; time to explore sundry directions without the burdens of past obligations.
At first I grieved my losses
Felt deserted,
Even thought why me,
Angry the lives of loved ones were cut short,
As the family was torn apart, leaving
me alone and forsaken.
And I miss the old connections,
The habits of our hearts
The camaraderie despite attending costs.
But now I see a new door flung open.
A freedom I can choose to walk through with complete abandon.
So my losses cost,
And circumstances brought pain and some desperation with my grieving,
but the gain I now perceive is in the time available to spend as I please.
What dawned on me is this freedom to explore once more, the past intentions and lost reveries long shelved as no longer possible, are now options,
Opportunities knocking.
The time that remains is my own :
Time to read,
Time to write and travel,
Time to make new friends
Time to reflect, and make amends,
Time to discover the authentic me.
Free to go as far and as deep as I’m willing.
THH
11/28/24
Thoughts Have Hands 