Fired by loss, sadness sears my heart, and makes itself at home in moments of solitude.
Sadness comes like rain, a drizzle at first, then a downpour rushing my brain, blocking avenues of escape, demanding full attention.
Sadness comes unannounced, whispers behind me, as I sigh ‘…oh, you again’.
Sadness darkens my face and sends tears to rule, upsets the routines in place.
Is it the thing wished for, left undone,
Is it the dreams left to simmer in the back of my mind, finally boiling over,
Are my habits and practice exercised with decent intent, wearing thin,
Dreams left too long on the shelf, planned celebrations too long deferred, haunting expectations.
A life chosen to support family, a duty taken seriously, while fate took a heavy toll,
Obligations given priority, believing the future would make needed room,
Not play a thief and steal vigor as I grow grey.
I learn so slowly.
The onion peels layers of time, and tears of regret form droplets,
Even listening to favorite tunes buried under heaps of on going reverie resurrect sadness hidden inside.
Does it hide behind my unending list of things to do? or like rain,
Hang out in unhappy clouds biding time until spilling over to chill a sunny day.
Sadness resides off stage, behind hope filled eyes,
Smiles of a welcoming heart,
Earnest performances intended to promote harmony,
Covering memories of so many supposed to be opportunities,
Wanting to be picked, no longer deniable,
But then the past has claws to hold me in place and each day seems another scene, like the one before and before that,
The routine provides a comfortable home but sadness crouches waiting for its chance,
As disappointment displays wonder in the opposite direction.
For sadness is part of the imperfectible nature of this man.
THH
6/1/24
Thoughts Have Hands 